let it be

It all comes down to this a
Day where my life again is chose
By people I don’t know
From that first day back in March of 07
When I would put my life out on a limb
Thinking I could save someone’s life
Now over two years later I have not one

Taken away was my self-esteem
Self-worth
When I could work anywhere and know
That it was my quality of life taken
Then that I was making good decisions

Now I live day by day in a world
I know must be a test
These people say they are my friends
But really what is a friend

I pay my dues over and over never
To think twice
About what I can do for others
And its like if I don’t clean this
Or don’t do that for them

It doesn’t matter
I have nowhere to go
I always wanted my day in court
We talked about this
Gayle, Amy, Katie and Joe
They would be amazed that
A system such as I fought against
For most of my life
Would treat someone me like this

What do I say?
Julie won’t be there
It is not fair it is because
She denied me service’s
I live like this

A system where a
Doctor lies in their reports
Cuts off any income I had
Leaving me without medication
Suicidal thoughts
Hurting others to get back at them

It is not I, it is not what I am about
What I hope to get out of this is
Relief from a person who does not know me
Only by what Julie has wrote
But that they see the truth
I put in from of them on paper

They look at me eye to eye
Hear my voice watch my tears
These are real for what its worth
I want to walk out of there
With closer

Knowing that back on that day
In March of 07
I made a choice and it was the
Right one
To save a life of someone
I didn’t know
And that I do it again

Because that is me
That is what I am about
And if does not
Boots will be there
I will be mad
And what then do I do

Doctor Moore already made that decision
I will kill myself my life has no future
I not living couch to couch
Not sleeping in woods anymore
Not going to let others treat me as
I am their slave

Better to die with what dignity
I have left
Gayle, Amy, Katie and Joe
Will have this to remember
As lesson in life and one for the books

It does not get any worse than
This waited for this day
Now it’s here
Got to go get ready
Just thought I would
Write this last letter of the
Hundreds I have

Old Shoe

for what ever reason be what it is
you were there and before i knew
it you were gone

didn't see it coming and you knew that
you played me like i was an old shoe
dirty and ready to be thrown out

believe me when i tell you
I am what you threw away
not an old shoe
but a real person
who cries just like you

yes you will cry
and more than I
there is no coming back
so hows it feel
when wearing that
old shoe

excuse me

I am lonely
Even though you can't tell
I am reaching out
For what, I don't know
I will continue to sit in silence
And hope that someone may stumble across
me and all of my emptiness
And that they do it in time
Otherwise I will have drifted too far
and will have let go
Of whatever grasp of the world I had
I slowly fade out of the lives of everyone
unnoticed.

Standing Alone

Standing Alone
In a place of darkness
in a place of silence
I stand alone,

I'm in silence to all that shut me out
I can't seem to say what I would like
its is like there is no-one there
or if there was wouldn't really care anyway

I don't like living like this or like being alone
Its daylight but yet I am still in darkness
and I can't find anything I lost
I know its there, somewhere
there's so many things I've lost, but again

its also very dark in this daylight world of mine
If you could would you help me?
No-one ever told you I was scared of the dark
standing alone..

Ric D Castellanos

and now I have to find a place
no where to go
nothing to give
promises from people

things never got better
only got worse
wished I would've known
promises from people

never once did you tell me
never understood why
I thought there were laws
promise from people

never will there be another
never will another be so sad
never a tear will pour more
than the tears from my eyes

promises from people
that caused this Suicide

ricci castellanos